


to hel with supposed tos

by sopdetly



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Depression, Gen, Navel-Gazing, POV Second Person, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 11:18:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18619567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sopdetly/pseuds/sopdetly
Summary: in which i identify too much with my favorite character during endgame. self-care navel gazing through and through. SPOILERS!!!





	to hel with supposed tos

They're surprised when they see you're a different shape, unkempt. They show worry. They're uncomfortable and they make jokes because they don't know what else to do.

It's not nice, but you get it. You get it because you do the same thing to yourself every day.

They don't know how to help. They can't even figure out how to deal with their own damned issues, how in Hel can they expect to know how to deal with yours?

You are used to hearing these things on the inside. The cracks about your gut. Melted ice cream, indeed. You know you look as shitty as you feel, and you remind yourself of that too often for your own good. Hearing it from other voices, though, that startles you. It's been so long that it's been only your own voice in your head or a careful silence from others—people had clearly decided you aren't _worth_ saying anything about at all. Until now.

It's not _nice_. It's not empowering, nothing like that. But it shakes you, just a little. Sparks a bit in your blood, sends a small tremor of thunder down your spine.

And so, you set your jaw and you look at the ones who don't tiptoe at least, that tell you that you're supposed to be better. And you want to be. You just didn't know how, and now they're here to show you there's a way.

So, you go.

It isn't easy. There are more stares and there's more surprise, and then there are new people who only knew you from stories and there's that look on their face like, like you aren't who you're supposed to be. You nod, you agree. You're not, but at least it's not just all in your head anymore.

You thought you'd be fine, revisiting the past, but then she's there and you didn't realize just how _much_ you missed her (and you knew you missed her _so_ much), and you're frozen.

And then, your mother tells you not to worry about who you're supposed to be. To instead just be who you are.

And. _Oh_. Is that not the particular crack of a lightning bolt you've been waiting for _your entire life_? 

In that moment you stop seeing yourself as fat, depressed, on the edge of a panic attack. It's not that you aren't, you just don't see it anymore. You just see who you are, who you truly are right now, in this moment, and what you are still capable of achieving. 

You feel a glow within you, one you haven't felt in five years— _five years_ —and on instinct you stick out your hand. There's a beat, and suddenly you're terrified, because what if....

Then you relax, because _so what_ if you're terrified right now? That is who you are, and that is all that matters.

When the handle hits your palm and you wrap your fingers around it, and you feel yourself, you're really _feeling yourself_ , and it's you, as you are right now, and that's all you need to know the truth.

**I'm still worthy.**

Who you are will change, you won't always end up where you expected, but through it all, you are you.

**And I. Am. Worthy.**

**Author's Note:**

> I know lots of people had some issues with how Thor was spoken of in the movie and received by audiences. For me, all of it still hit home, and this came from trying to explain that and help to distance my own experiences with these issues from the (not unfounded!) criticism. If Thor's story spoke to you at all, I hope you know that you, too, are still worthy. ♥


End file.
